I liveblog my experiences reading the greatest comic on the web. Or at least the longest.
Catching Elephant is a theme by Andy Taylor
Hex: Begin reading Homestuck
So my sister has been trying to get me to read this apparently very popular webcomic for months now. I finally agreed on the condition that when I was done we’d watch Avatar: The Last Airbender together, which I’ve been bugging her about for even longer.
I actually tried to start HS a while ago, but got bored and stopped fairly quickly. All I really remember is that the main character’s name is John, he’s criminally stupid, and literally nothing happens for what feels like hundreds of pages. Katie assures me this comic is actually amazing despite its slow start. I remain dubious.
Anyway, she suggested I blog about my experiences, because apparently this is a thing homestuck fans enjoy. I’m hoping it will make reading this comic slightly more tolerable, because it’ll give me the opportunity to rant to the internet equivalent of an empty room.
And now it’s winter break and I have nothing better to do, so…
Things I’ve been told going in
- It gets better
(we’ll see…)
- It’s ridiculously long
(groan…)
- I must under no circumstances skip anything, ignore anything, or skim anything
(Fair enough, I hate it when people skip parts of books or shows and then bitch about how they don’t understand what’s going on)
- I should pay careful attention to seemingly minor details because they tend to become important later on
(This is moderately intriguing. I’m all set to overanalyze every tiny detail. Hey, I have to amuse myself somehow, since apparently the first several hundred pages are some kind of bizarre hazing thing to see if you HAVE WHAT IT TAKES to be a homestuck fan)
- It involves lots of really confusing time travel
(Could be interesting, could be annoying)
- At some point someone named Dave shows up, and my sister is slightly obsessed with him
It’s kind of cool that this comic includes animation, pushing the bounds of the medium and all that. I love webcomics that do things print comics can’t, although they seem to be few and far between. Not that it’s doing a whole lot here, just John blinking and looking around like the vacant doofus I remember him being.
Also I’m working under the assumption that RPG logic is at play here and our hero isn’t ACUTAULLY being named today, because the alternative is weird and vaguely unsettling.
Aw, John’s daddy loves him.
I wonder what’s up with the random capitalization? Will this be relevant? Who knows!
So John’s chat name is ectoBiologist? I guess that fits with his wallpaper and the ghost sheets on his bed, not to mention his Ghostbusters poster.
So, John only has three friends. Somehow I’m not surprised. Let’s analyze their chat names!
- turntechGodhead – not really sure about this one, but he sounds conceited. Godhead, really?
- tentacleTherapist – someone likes wordplay and hentai, or maybe I just have a dirty mind.
- gardenGnostic – hmm, apparently Gnosticism is a religion vaguely related to early Christianity. Thanks wikipedia! Maybe this person is the spiritualist of the group?
Whoa, suddenly I have followers. Do you guys just stalk the homestuck tag or something?
Anyway, back to the comic!
So I guess this means John will fight with hammers for the rest of the comic? It’s nice to see a main character who doesn’t use swords for once.
I’m also encouraged by the rather heavy-handed foreshadowing that eventually there’s going to be some action.
>John: Examine GameBro Magazine
Wait, how is Sburb the game of the year already when the beta version only came out three days ago?
Um, wow. This magazine sure is… something. I feel like the comic is making fun of me for judging it without reading it first. Or maybe I’m just paranoid.
Pchooo: hexapodia: >John: Open pesterchumSo John’s chat name is...
So John’s chat name is ectoBiologist? I guess that fits with his wallpaper and the ghost sheets on his bed, not to mention his Ghostbusters poster.
So, John only has three friends. Somehow I’m not surprised. Let’s analyze their chat names!
- …
Aw, don’t tell me if my groundless speculation is right, that ruins all the fun!
And yeah, I got that it’s tentacle therapist, but do you really expect me to believe that TT made that chat name without realizing it could also be read as tentacle the rapist? I suppose I don’t really know that much about TT yet, so I guess it’s possible, but she sounds at least moderately intelligent. Or maybe I really do just have a dirty mind, /shrug.
Anyway, thanks for the pronunciation advice! And for reading my liveblog, that too!
Pchooo: hexapodia: >John: Open pesterchumSo John’s chat name is...
So John’s chat name is ectoBiologist? I guess that fits with his wallpaper and the ghost sheets on his bed, not to mention his Ghostbusters poster.
So, John only has three friends. Somehow I’m not surprised. Let’s analyze their chat names!
- …
Aw, don’t tell me if my groundless speculation is right, that ruins all the fun!
And yeah, I got that it’s tentacle therapist, but do you really expect me to believe that TT made that chat name without realizing it could also be read as tentacle the rapist? I suppose I don’t really know that much about TT yet, so I guess it’s possible, but she sounds at least moderately intelligent. Or maybe I really do just have a dirty mind, /shrug.
Anyway, thanks for the pronunciation advice! And for reading my liveblog, that too!
HEXAPODIA, PLEASE READ THIS! :)
First of all, congratulations on your new followers! You might be getting a few more now that I’m plugging your new Homestuck Liveblog. However, we have some important things to discuss!
First of all, your “ASKBOX” is closed, and instead you’re reading reblogged replies for input. This is NOT SAFE: people may respond to a post about a post about a post of yours, appending spoilers and other undesirable things! SPOILERS ARE THE ENEMY, and you must avoid them in every way imaginable. For example, don’t look at my blog beyond this single post, at all. In fact, you already received and complained about a tiny spoiler just now, in the reply you reblogged: an assertion about the attitude of someone you’ve yet to meet!
I suggest that you open your ASKBOX instead (not submissions, just asks!), enabling you to receive some input and ignore all reblogs. HOWEVER:
(1) Get an ASK CLEANER (person)! Ask the person who introduced you to Homestuck to viciously filter and delete all messages in your inbox that contain spoilers, hints, “aw you’re going to love / be sad / be confused about what happens next”s, character assertions, and even any simple EXPLANATIONS of things that he/she knows would later become clear over the course of the comic naturally, and therefore you’re supposed to erroneously question. ONLY read your inbox past the markers they put in saying things are clear, when they tell you to check them; they can do this via an ask to your inbox from their own tumblr, separating filtered asks below theirs from the unfiltered ones above.
(2) DISABLE ANONYMOUS ASKS. These are more likely to be inflammatory or contain spoilers, and are harder to block or reprimand for harmful messages/information.
(3) Add the single “HOMESTUCK LIVEBLOG” tag to all your posts. Tumblr is dumb about asks and doesn’t let you tag them immediately as you answer; you have to go back and hit Edit to add the tag to your ask responses. This tag is watched by many a rabid Homestuck Liveblog consumer, including me, who is so dependent on the substance that I imbibe it intravenously. Also, later, it will let you create a /chrono/ link to the tag on your blog for those who wish to read you in chronological order.Alright! Now that you have those guidelines in mind, I have some advice to you about the comic itself that you might have missed:
- The [S] STRIFE! page with John and Dad was interactive. Go back and click the buttons!
- Andrew had fans of the comic give him plenty of music to work with; almost all the music you’ll hear is original! There is also a bandcamp page full of albums being sold - yes, SOLD - of Homestuck music, but do NOT LOOK AT ANY until we and your ask cleaner have cleared certain albums for your perusal, as the track art images, names of songs, and even the page background itself may contain spoilers!
- Until the middle of Act 4 (when Andrew took over completely to steer the plot with simulated commands), Homestuck was a READER SUBMISSION DRIVEN comic! That means all the frivolous commands you see John following, every link at the bottom, was a command posted to John’s “mailbox” on the comic’s forum, Andrew Hussie (the author) picking and choosing from them as he saw fit to include/animate. If things seem not to work and time seems frivolously wasted, you are experiencing the rich zeal Andrew has for trolling those submitting commands, and the readers’ equal, masochistic zeal for submitting them.I think that’s all I wanted to say! Oh, a parting note: don’t look at ANY Homestuck stuff on Tumblr at all, or even think of following anyone who posts Homestuck on occasion. Again, SPOILERS ARE THE ENEMY: Moreso than a great many comics, Homestuck thrives on surprises, impressions, and a broadening of scope, keeping you endlessly guessing while feeding you answers later than you wanted them and sooner than you expected them, dropped on your head like bricks from Heaven in the most shocking ways possible. It’s like what LOST might have been if it actually answered all its questions properly and wasn’t an obfuscating, pretentious, poorly written sack of bull excrement.
Enjoy! :D
Wow, so Bladekindeyewear wrote me this huge, lovely post giving me some suggestions about what I should do to avoid getting spoiled. I’ve opened my ask box, so if you have something you want me to read send it there, as I’ll no longer be looking at reblogs. My sister has agreed to screen my inbox for me, but even so please refrain from sending spoilers.
Bladekindeyewear also brought up some interesting points about Homestuck in general. I was not aware that the commands were user generated, which in retrospect makes all John’s meandering around make a lot more sense. This seems like a pretty cool idea in theory, but I imagine it made having a plot or consistent characters rather difficult, and those are kind of important to having a decent story.
Out of curiosity, how many suggestions did he typically have to work with? I know this thing is more popular than god now, but it must have started out pretty small, right? Or did Hussie already have a bunch of fans from the other MSPA stories?
I’m actually impressed that John’s actions have been relatively coherent so far, but whoever was responsible for the ‘poop on your desk’ command, I want your head.
Also, thanks for letting me know about the strife page, I completely missed that! I’ll put some updated reactions my next liveblog post, which should be up in a bit.
Anyway, thanks Bladekindeyewear! You’re awesome and I really appreciate you taking the time to help me out!
Ok, first I have to go back to the [S] STRIFE! page because Bladekindeyewear was kind enough to inform me that I can click on the buttons!
Once again, I am loving this music. I’m psyched to hear there’s going to be more of it.
Alright, pressing Aggrieve!
So John just attacks his dad with a hammer? Daddy Egbert seems pretty nonchalant about all this.
Abjure!
I had to press this one like five times so I could read the text. I think it said “dotesmite”?
So basically John flips out at his dad with a hammer and his dad keeps trying to give him the giant cake. That’s pretty much what I assumed was going on, but the animation was fun. Too bad there’s no way for John to win…
So ultimately Hussie himself is to blame! It was rather sporting of him to include it regardless, heh.
I’m glad I’m doing this liveblog, if for no other reason than veteran fans telling me these little anecdotes! I doubt I’d have found this stuff out on my own.